Letter Twenty: Homeward bound!

My Sweet, Sultry Love,

            Do forgive me for that evening. I had imbibed plenty amounts of whiskey and that tends to make my stiff rod rather limp and tired. But with these new opiates I cannot avoid being firm; I will be bringing them with me when I return to the manor. Speaking of, I finally heard from the general that I will be returning next week! They have already scheduled my carriage and signed my leave of absence. Darling my vivid dreams will become a reality when I reach you. I hope the arse-less chaps you knitted me are ready, I’ll be bringing the leather and pig fat. Slay the largest pig for me, have the freshest batch of tobacco picked by my return and send Benjamin to acquire the liquors for we will celebrate my arrival.

Sincerely, your stiff, homeward bound love,

Bentley

Letter Nineteen: A portrait of the two of us.

My Fearless Warrior,

            I have grown moist reading your last letter—such a man you are! I cannot wait for you to return home to me. After searching through the family albums I have found one photo of the two of us alone, you look handsome as usual but I seem to have an empty stare and I wondered why. Then I remembered. It was the daguerreotype that was taken after the night you fell asleep inside of me. Hopefully all the bloodshed has revived the passion within you since then…

Awaiting your invigorated return,

Muffy

Letter Eighteen: The pillage.

My Dove,

            I am not supposed to speak of my consultations with the General, but I will tell you if you reveal this to no one. We just raped and pillaged a town. It was the most exhilarating rush I have felt in ages! As my wooden foot pounded on the cobblestone I felt the blood coursing within me. All the illogical violence, the smashing of windows, the setting of fires, the stabbing of men and beheading of criminals made me feel alive again. I believe this sets us in the lead for this war, my darling; which means I will return home to you soon. By the way, that bearded woman you sent me is quite frightening. I had grown erect with your scent upon the parchment and by the end my member had retreated within me. Please do send me another portrait of your sweet face—perhaps one of the two of us together? I would enjoy that.

Love, your blood-shedding manly-king,

Bentley

Letter Seventeen: The bearded lady.

Dearest,

            You must feel so honored that the General called upon you for consultation! What did you both speak of and what’s the army’s next move? Seymour has been very good lately. Loretta, Benjamin and I brought him to the circus that came into town and he was so well behaved. He only shouted profanity at the filthy help that was mistreating the fragile creatures. Oh but love you should have seen the attractions! There was a woman with a beard longer than my father’s! I spoke to her after the performance because I was so impressed. She explained to me that she has sought out to blur the lines between male and female—she has a vagina but she urinates standing up! I almost asked her to teach me but Loretta, Benjamin and Seymour were awaiting me in the carriage. Well sweet dove, I am off to knit and read latin.

P.S. I've included a tin type of the bearded lady. Fascinating, isn't it?

With passion, your urinating, pardon, yearning love,

Muffy

Letter Sixteen: Consultation with the General.

My Love,

            Do not worry yourself with the business of the fields; Benjamin should be taking care of that. And I am appalled that you were dancing in the servant’s quarters barefoot. What do you believe the Russell’s will think of you and our family? Be sure not to imbibe anymore until my return. I also cannot believe that my young Seymour was smoking the family tobacco the other day. Why, I’m sure it was so poorly rolled that it was an offense to our fine product. I haven’t smoked decent tobacco since I’ve been here. Speaking of opiates, I have been regularly taking my medicine and I do say that my dreams have only gotten more vivid! I would go into detail of a few but it appears that the General needs to consult with me regarding our next move. I will write soon my love!

Fighting hard for my darling Muff,

Bentley

Letter Fifteen: The workers on the tobacco field.

My Darling,

                Reading about your explicit dreams takes me back to when you were here with me. It feels so long ago. I did get rather drunk on the imported “Green Fairy,” it made me rather loose and before the end of the evening I found myself dancing on the table of the cook’s quarters, showing off my barefooted fox trot. It was a rather embarrassing ordeal but wildly fun nonetheless! Sweetheart, we received a new shipment of servant criminals from the mother country today. It seems that this batch is quite brooding and will work quite well on our tobacco fields. There is one worker who stands out with his broad shoulders, deep voice and strong hands—he seems like he’ll be the most efficient. Speaking of, I found little Seymour picking tobacco and smoking it yesterday. I am not sure where he learned of the custom but I do think that this Loretta woman may be corrupting his impressionable mind. Why, after I caught Seymour he began pretending he was delusional as if he had smoked an opiate of some kind. I put him in time out and spanked him raw so I doubt he’ll be mischievous anymore. Well darling, I’m off to look over the field workers!

Dream hard and lucidly, my spry prince,

Muffy

Letter Fourteen: A new medicine.

My Flame,

Greetings from the infirmary! It appears my foot has become infected and I have been placed under strict doctor’s care. I hope you did not get too belligerent from the imported liquors—my brother tends to drink heavily and irresponsibly. On medical news, it appears leeches cannot suck out everything although they make one quite giddy when placed upon the taint. The doctor has been giving me an experimental medicine—it causes me to have the most vivid and damp dreams.
Why just the other night I dreamt that I was back in your loving arms. We were in Patterson's field where we first consummated our love. It was twilight. We lay on a blanket, your back was arched and the morning dew settled on your muff.
Upon climax you burst into flame and rose to the heavens; all the while the grasses grew at hellish speed and a baby's cry sounded as the earth split open and in I fell. I awoke on the floor, covered in…well.
I can only hope I get through this. Send Seymour, that talented little rascal my love. I hope to dream of you yet again.

Your moist, clammy warrior,
Bentley